The prophet (PBUH) said, what translated means
“A WOMAN WHO SAID HER FIVE DAILY PRAYERS, REGULARLY FASTED IN THE MONTH OF RAMADAN, REFRAINED FROM EVIL ACTS AND DID WHAT HER HUSBAND TOLD HER TO DO, WILL, ON THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT, BE AUTHORIZED TO ENTER INTO PARADISE BY WHICHEVER OF THE DOOR THEREOF SHE MIGHT LIKE TO ENTER”
“A WOMEN IS MARRIED FOR FOUR REASONS: FOR HER WEALTH, FOR HER FAME, FOR HER BEAUTY AND FOR HER (ADHERENCE TO) RELIGION. SO MARRY ONE FOR HER RELIGION AND YOU WILL WIN” [BUKHARI & MUSLIM].
The above Hadiths emphasize the importance of marrying a good Muslim woman. This is why Muslim men should always seek such women to be happy in this life. A pious woman’s priority is to seek the pleasure of Allah. She tries acquiring the qualities of a good wife by following the examples of the Prophet (PBUH) and obeying what is commanded in the Book of Allah.
It is the responsibility of the wife, to be virtuous and well behaved, in order to guide her family.
“SO VIRTUOUS WOMEN ARE THOSE WHO ARE OBEDIENT, AND GUARD THE SECRETS OF THEIR HUSBANDS WITH ALLAH’S PROTECTION”
[HOLY QUR’AN 4:35].
A good wife is one who manages her home in the best manner, who behaves kindly towards her husband and his family, and keeps his home full of love and peace. The Prophet (PBUH) said,
“YOUR WOMEN WHO WILL ENTER PARADISE ARE THOSE NICE TO THEIR HUSBANDS, WHO BEAR CHILDREN, AND THOSE WHO KEEP CHECKING THE NEEDS OF THEIR HUSBANDS. IF HER HUSBAND GETS ANGRY WITH HER, SHE WOULD HOLD HIS HAND AND SAY: “BY ALLAH, I WILL NOT SLEEP UNTIL YOU FORGIVE ME”
The wife must be willing to co-operate with her husband willingly, in order to make her home, paradise on Earth. The man is the woman’s protector, supervisor and head of the family. To emphasize this even more, the Holy Prophet (PBUH) said, what translated means,
“IF I WERE TO ORDER ANYONE TO BOW DOWN TO OTHER THAN ALLAH, I WOULD ORDER THE WIFE TO DO SO FOR HER HUSBAND.”
He also stated that,
“THE BEST WOMEN IS SHE WHO ADORNED HERSELF TO LOOK LOVABLE IN THE EYES OF HER HUSBAND AND WHO WAS PLEASED WHEN HE SAW HER; AND SHE GRACEFULLY ACCEPTED DECISIONS MADE BY HER HUSBAND AND OBEYED THEM CHEERFULLY AND SHE ALWAYS TOOK PARTICULAR CARE TO NOT DISPLEASE HER HUSBAND IN ANY WAY OR LOOKED REPUGNANT TO HIM.”
However, there is an exception to this aspect of ‘obedience’. The wife should refuse to obey her husband, if he is disobeying a command of Allah. Being Muslim one must obey Allah, before anyone else. If a husband stops his wife from praying, fasting or performing any other religious act then the wife can disobey his husband in these matters. Also, a man doesn’t have any right to hurt his wife in any way. The Prophet (PBUH) has said about those men who do so, that they are not at all good people, and that they are certainly not from among the best of men. Men have been given the right to be above women. However, if the husband abuses this right in any way, then the wife has the right to seek divorce.
Following is an advice to every Muslim woman that contains matters to avoid in order to have a good marriage.
- The wife must avoid making his husband angry. The Prophet (PBUH) mentioned that among the three that Allah does not accept their prayer are,
“A WIFE WHO GOES TO SLEEP WHILE HER HUSBAND IS ANGRY WITH HER.”
- The wife must not harm his husband in any way, If a woman harms her husband, then his wife in Paradise tells her: ‘Do not harm him, may Allah fight you, he is only staying temporarily with you. Soon he will come to us.
- The wife should be thankful to her husband and must appreciate all the small deeds done by him to assist her wife.
“ALLAH DOES NOT LOOK TO THE WOMAN WHO DOES NOT APPRECIATE HER HUSBAND WHILE SHE CANNOT STAND HIS DEPARTING HER.”
- Wife should not ask her husband for divorce without having any solid reason. The
Prophet PBUH warned women who ask for divorce for no sound reason in his Hadith,
“ANY WOMAN WHO ASKS HER HUSBAND FOR DIVORCE FOR NO REASON WILL NOT SMELL THE FRAGRANCE OF PARADISE.”
- Wife must avoid voluntary fasting without her husband’s permission, unless he is absent,
“A WOMAN DOES (MUST) NOT FAST WHILE HER HUSBAND IS PRESENT WITHOUT HIS PERMISSION, EXCEPT IN RAMADHAN.” [AL-BUKHARI & MUSLIM].
- The wife should not allow anyone into the house whom the husband does not like and if the husband tells his wife that a certain type of men and women must not enter the house, it would be her duty to comply with this direction,
“UNLESS HE (HER HUSBAND) GIVES HER PERMISSION.” [AL-BUKHARI].
- The wife must not go out of the house without the permission of her husband. Muslim women do not have the habit of going in and out of their houses without necessity. Allah SWT said, what translated means,
“AND STAY IN YOUR HOUSES” [33:33].
The Holy Qur’an has assigned wives, the task of looking after her husbands’ possessions (i.e., wealth, family honor, her own chastity and purity, her husbands’ secrets etc.). It is recorded that once the Holy Prophet (PBUH) said,
“IT IS THE DUTY OF THE WIFE TO LOOK AFTER YOUR PROPERTY WHEN YOU ARE ABSENT FROM THE HOUSE AND TO GUARD HER PURITY FOR YOU AND TO FORM THE HABIT OF SAVING FOR UNFORESEEN NEEDS AND HARD TIMES. SHE MUST HAVE PROPER CONTROL OVER THE HOUSEHOLD EXPENSES.”
The Holy Prophet (PBUH) also said that,
“THE BEST OF WIVES IS THE ONE WHOSE SIGHT PLEASES YOU, I.E., WHO KEEPS HERSELF IN A STATE THAT MAY BE PLEASING TO HER HUSBAND; AND WHEN YOU ASK HER TO DO A THING, SHE OBEYS YOU AND WHEN YOU ARE AWAY FROM THE HOUSE SHE GUARDS YOUR PROPERTY AND HER OWN MODESTY FOR YOU.”
It is important to understand that Marriage is a sacred relationship; not only in Islam but in all religions and faiths. Without the correct attention and participation, such a bond will not last, or will require a heavy price from both parties; and their kids as well. Successful martial life demand love, trust and compromise from both husband and wife. Allah is pleased with a husband and wife living together in peace and harmony. It must be a combined effort and responsibility to preserve a marriage.